Yes I’m still around. Seems like Facebook, Twitter and their ilk have kept me busy in the past year. I’m not so sure what’s going to happen with this blog in the next year. I’ve enjoyed writing on it for such a long time (even sporadically) that I just don’t know how to close it down.
Yep I’ve been busy. Let’s see – in no particular order –
I got to hang out with my daughter and Grandson. Both are awesome and it was a wonderful visit
I’ve finished my first college course in years – Medical Terminology I – I aced it , not of course – that sucker was hard!
Kev did the Pan Ohio Hope Ride with his team – Adam’s Army. The whole event raised half a million bucks for the American Cancer Society. I think Kev”s team raised 20k of that.
Summer is nearly over and I only got to wear my bathing suit once and that was in SC for a weekend I spent with my sister at the beach. We went to Isle of Palms and saw Cowboy Mouth at the Windjammer. We got to meet the guys from Junior Doctor out front – they are great guys and I like their music Then about a week later a friend and I saw them again at The Beachland Ballroom in Cleveland – this time I got to meet Fred! So AWESOME!
We are planning to get to Cedar Point this month so that it’s warm enough to ride their new water coaster. The coaster was open last year but the service was spotty, I assume because it was new.
Warrior Dash is coming up in September – I’m not doing it though. I still have an ankle issue I’m working through – Achilles Spur – YAY. I will be running in the Akron Relay at the end if September. Probably more of a run walk deal but it’s all part of my 2011/2012 de-wussification 
I realize this post was less than artistic and witty but I felt I needed to get the words out before they were lost.
This past weekend started off with heart mending and ended with some heart rending. I know I can’t hurry the process for anyone else so I will wait.
I’m listening to a Discovery podcast about meditation and I think it sounds like something I’d like to try. From what they are saying I can see how I get into a type of meditative state when I run/walk. My brain really quiets and I feel at peace. I tend to have more time to get outside to run/walk than I get quiet time inside on my own. I think since I can’t pound the pavement in a run anymore I’ll get more into a meditative walk.
I will try this on the beach next weekend.
Some women may think that turning 42 is something to be mourned – I am not one of them. I enjoy the idea that I’m 42 and not because it’s also the answer to Life the Universe and Everything as depicted by Douglas Adams’ book The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy.
This coming year I’m not going to waste any time. I’m becoming a runner, taking drumming lessons and starting school to earn a degree in medical office management. This year I’m open to any new challenges that I haven’t thought of yet because I feel like this is the year that I’m not going to say no to new opportunities – unless they are financially or physically irresponsible. By physically I mean life threatening like bungee jumping etc.
This year I’m going to get my craft room set up and finally tackle all of the things on my mental to-do list. I am even going to commit that to-do list to paper or white board or something so that I’ll feel more responsible for getting it done. With all those things trapped in my head, I feel like I can blow them off – the one problem with that is I feel miserable about it and no one ever knows why.
This year I’m going to read more and listen to music more. These two things used to lift my spirits and imagination. When I do these two things I have vivid dreams and my own writing is so much more imaginative.
More simply put – I’m challenging myself to be More Shannon than I have been in at least 15 years.
I’m starting with the easy things first so I am importing all of the posts that I have left up all over the internet on various blogs into this one. I can’t believe I’ve started so many times and wrote a lot of good stuff – some of it is just plain shlock – but I left it out there to rot. Now it’s all back under one roof.
The next thing I’m going to tackle is the clutter that I’ve accumulated. Mostly because I keep Leaving It for Another Day. I’ve got magazines and papers and craft supplies that I have purchased for the one craft that I’ll Get to Later. By the end of the summer I’ll have all of that sorted and hopefully some of that seashell white noise going on in my head will quiet down.
I’m having One of Those Days. I’m incredibly disappointed and I can’t pinpoint what it is that’s making me feel this way.
Let’s back it up and say for the record – I was recently diagnosed with ADD with a side of mild depression. I’ve always felt that something “just wasn’t right” but I was too busy raising kids and trying to compensate for that host of “just not right” that I never had time to get it checked out. Once the Raising of the Most Awesome Daughters in the World (mileage may vary – I’m sure you think yours are, but believe me – in my world it’s Chelsea and Makenna) was finished I lost the axis on which my little ADD empire revolved. Things began spinning on their own and not in a good way.
So when I’m not on time – I’m beating myself up I don’t need to hear jokes about it believe me i feel terrible enough. When I start a bajillion projects and don’t get them finished or they are half-assed – I get depressed.
The good news is that I’m getting assistance with the stuff that’s bothering me. I’m also assured that I’m not nuts. I’m just concentrating on spinning one or two plates instead of the thousand I had been managing for the first half of my life.
I’m not constantly in a funk. People who know me well know that I’m generally smiley and talkative. Which is why these episodes bother me so much. I want to get back to happy and I’m working on it.
Now as for today – the weather is crappy, the birthday present I wanted for myself is being put on hold in lieu of a new set of doors for the house and I still haven’t heard from my eldest daughter or even any news of my grandson. That’s probably enough for right now don’t you think?
21 Days until the Nooners take the course at Warrior Dash – Ohio. I’ve been training for it a bit and I’m getting pretty excited but I’m looking forward to it being over. I’d like to get back to working out and running for me and not for an event. I haven’t been giving myself enough recovery time because I feel like I’ve got to keep going so that I’m prepared to haul myself over walls and jump over cars – not to mention the fire and the mud.
It doesn’t matter to me where I run at all and after WD I’m going to start running on the treadmill and biking outside. I really like the place my mind goes when I’m out in the fresh air with the land spilling away behind me. I don’t care whether I achieve that inner peace on a bike, rollerblades or my own two feet. I need it and I’m going to get it.
Last night I fell asleep on the sofa with the television on. I had some fantastic dreams and I began waking up with a smile on my face – I opened my eyes and realized the inspiration for my recent dreams was a Pos-T-Vac commercial.
I’ve raised two very headstrong and outspoken daughters. They are both brilliant and funny in their own ways. They have courage and spirit. They also break my heart on a daily basis. I guess that’s what growing up and out of your parent’s daily lives is all about. I’m sure that I broke my Mom’s heart at least a thousand times before I turned the age of 30 and if I ask her I’m sure she’d say she doesn’t hold it against me as I won’t hold it against my girls.
Right now it all hurts like hell though and I feel like I’m losing my mind.
One thing I know for sure and maybe they don’t is that whatever they think of me – I tried. I did the best I knew how with the tools that I was given and that’s not a lot. I became their Mom before I ever knew what being an adult was all about. I became their Mom before I ever thought I even wanted kids. I grew to want them and love them with all my heart and while they were growing so was I. I had a lot of growing up to do and in a way we all grew up together. I know that I was sometimes too much of a friend and that probably confused them. I’m sure that sometimes I didn’t pay as much attention to them as I could have – leaving them to watch TV while I played a video game or chatted online. I didn’t do any of this because I didn’t love them – I did it because I was a mixed up kid, just like they are now.
So, with the wisdom that I never had when I was their age – I’ll accept that I cannot change what has already happened. I can only strive to be a good Mom now and in the future.
